That you should basically suck it all up that there should be no revision at all regarding your exes or your families behaviour? Yes, unfortunately, some families never learned to be respectful to their siblings and siblings choices. My personal opinion on this matter, is that since you and your ex are co-parenting, it changes the game completely. Anonymous. He is one of 5 children and the only boy. My children are adults now. No you are not being unreasonable! "text": "You need not be friends with your ex for better co-parenting. It ends then or when you leave. Perhaps he is a more hands on father but perhaps he is also a good actor? They express interest in being apart of our lives again. I am sorry it hurts so bad, but maybe its you that need to work with it. She is the one who filed for divorce and moved out of the house. If they do still invite him then she will need to decide whether to go anyway or make her own separate plans. It sounds like your family love this guy. You deserve to have your family and he needs to rely on his. Be overly friendly, in fact. I think your feelings and your reactions to all of this Is normal. After all they will receive home through your eyes. That hasnt stopped my mother who still invites him over on his own. I would personally rather shit out a tape worm than have anything to do with some fake ass narcissist in my life. If you tell your boyfriend how you feel no matter how painful it is or vulnerable you feel then you're being your true self with him. I become unhappy and grouchy. My mum keeps in contact with my ex who I was with for 6 months and who was abusive towards me. Before we married, he told my husband he was very upset we werenttelling his ex-wife according to his standard and timeline. He tried to kill me and harmed our children. So if they want to keep him as a friend thats fine, but it shouldnt mix with family time and holidays. if your family comes back around fantastic but your feelings matter, and you matter if something or someone is hurting you, cutting ties is the best tell your children you would prefer not to hear about daddys girlfriend. Sometimes that can mean that hes thinking about his past and his ex. My kids are way more locked into my exs family and I can barely blame them. And P.S. Her family only sees his Im a great guy side. "If you have children together, keep your relationships with your exs family, as it pertains to the children, civilized and cordial, but dont cross the line to where your ex is uncomfortable. Most of my family respected my feelings, except for one cousin. Lets stop and look at it from another point of view. I have learned to just ignore him since my children are 21 and 32. God forbid someone besides you has a happy ending right? If you really want to get rid of your ex and his girlfriend, start going to your family functions. The irony of things ha! So you can be that heartless as not to relate with someones feeling. You choose to break your marriage vows then you also choose to break the design and purpose of a marriage. My boyfriend Tom dated Nina for 3 years (They broke up in 2017). There is no argument. Then, enjoy yourself and forget about him, and his gfs. Im so hurt and feel a real sense of loss. Everyone is allowing her to make the rules, so she does. To me it smacks of some kind of power trip. I am going through the exact situation! As well as one sister who understands but continues a relationship with them. Ann, I agree with every word you have written. He is doing this just to hurt me. "text": "Even though it hurts me badly to hear of all the things my ex, my kids, and my family do together all the time, I never say anything about it to my kids. It's not as if he's bringing the ex around. Sorry I know it hurts but that will change one day too. Mind you I was 13 and he was 22, so who is really to blame? He used to get up really early and leave the house without telling me where he was going visit my family and tell them i wouldnt get out of bed etc. cuz he broke my heart . Start going and act like you are perfectly fine with him being there. So thank you. I think its bizarre. Invite your family but not the ex. To some extent it is also your fault for not telling them you had an issue with it, how else are they expected to know? Your daughter is. Then tell him! They have 3 kids together ages 21, 13, and 11. Until you start to put the pieces together and confronting them and they start behaving threateningly such as tampering with your car, locking you out of your home, emptying bank accounts, making threats, stalking etc etc. You seem to have so much hatred in your heart that you would go to the highest of the extremities: Cutting people off just because they like him. Every person says,he didnt do it to me so why shouldnt I? To me, its the worst form of betrayal. Hosting Thanksgiving this year? To my mind, we can be civil and cordial, well be attending their kids graduations and weddings, but.shes been invited to Christmas and Im upset for my brothers sake. Do I really have to explain that to you???!!! The ex needs to get his own life and stop casting a shadow on yours. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. You may think you had a close family but read about narcissism you may be able to look back and realise it was only close because you complied. The fact that your kids still get to spend time with both parents, sometimes on a holiday together, is good for them. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. He himself called me to say he declined and felt it was strange. ", well got a 7 year sentence but knock down to 4 yrs with my testimony. I was raised that there was no bond stronger than family and so of course I was crushed and totally devistated to find out that they gave him the money to take the house I paid for and the business that I had started and worked my butt off to build for 7 years. I know its difficult but you are the much better person. Gut wrenching. I totally feel your pain. It guess it was an unecpected shock the responces were im sorry you feel that way , feeling better today?, im sorry we turned my backfollowed by a list of excuses. June 6, 2016 Adapted from an online discussion. At my mothers house with my 2 sisters and their 5 cousins. My situation is a little different but kinda the same. Doesnt sound like it. This is not on! When you marry someone you marry their family too, and if you cant even allow him to be around your family??!! My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. My ex gave my brother a job and him and my ex are always together. To top it off his girlfriend is now pregnant, I am super happy for him because he wanted children, but seeing my family getting so excited about it on social media upsets me, I dont understand why I am feeling so upset about it, and feel very guilty about having negative emotions everytime I see a new post. }, March 26, 2016 531 Comments Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and AdviceTags: Children and Divorce, Co-Parenting after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Divorce Recovery. I dont know how to act at future family events at Holidays. What's going on? easy to see the narcissist here. What ever happened to family loyalty. I just dont feel that it is appropriate that we are going to be hanging out with his ex wifes family without her knowledge. We have a large family. It is so hurtful and so crazy that my own family, my own mother, would choose my ex over me. It just seems wrong. They have never given me a chance, never tried to know me. Had an adulterous affair, etc. Really sad, but no choice. by By Carolyn Hax, Advice Columnist | Columnist. But just so that you know, there is a way to put an end to this nonsense. I dont usually post about my personal life online, but have decided to reach out to strangers to hear their opinions. My sister made friends with him on Facebook and lots of other heartbreaking stuff. Gtfo with ur victim shaming. I am so sorry and it is not ok for them to put you in that position. I am ready to let go of my anger about this. Whats not normal is not inviting you to family occasions. I know how you feel. Its just unfortunate and heartbreaking when your own family doesnt respect those boundaries. And they have ceased contact. But holidays are for family, which he was not. Fill in this form and you'll get instant access: Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and bestseller author. You brought him round because he accompanied you. Now I know am not the only one, I got comforted though the situation is still the same. So now Ive lost yet another sister and her kids whose daughter hasnt seen my ex in 5 years but invited him to her wedding. It took me a good few years to get my head around it and I still get pangs but I feel the anguish of making that decision was preferable to them seeing him as a victim and having to still be linked to my ex through trying to keep a relationship with them. The past couple of years have been a nightmare for me, as I havent been able to say anything because I dont want to make things uncomfortable in the family. Just wrong!!! My children are grown have been divorced for years, my daughters continue their relationship with their father which I have no problem with but they are stepping over the line now. my boyfriends dad killed himself and im not sure if i my boyfriends family is pushing us apart. Your ex sounds psycho, honestly. They became good friends. I also think that he is doing this on purpose because you left him so he wants to take things away from you. Its mean and very hurtful. My Dad, Step Mother and their children were the same with my ex. Bless you. You are the one who is the cause to all of your pain and suffering. He should respectfully bow out or do all he can to make you included. I did nothing horrible to him that would warrant them blackballing me. Youre their (blood) family. The ex does not give them a single dime otherwise and has no problem telling them he gives me good money in child support with no care to their feelings or needs (he bought himself a new $40,000 car) 4 months ago, he told my daughter that she is no longer his daughter and he never wants to see her for as long as he lives. Divorce is such a bitch for women and they get no support. He didnt he went over to his ex house and told me I pushed him in to do it. Can you really still love people that treat you so badly and is the everyday pain really preferable to the fear you feel of letting go? Yet I know its a form of punishment. I need that! Like so many of other posts I feel great empathy for the author; and have lived through perhaps similar situations. I got back together with my family for a few years, but it was very strained. He compares you to her 7. I havent spoken to my mom in almost a year now and it has put such a strain on our family. I mean Im sorry but if your the only one who find him unbearable then maybe you should do some self reflection. I have nieces and nephews I love dearly but dont get to see and their babys dont know me at all because I Never get to be a part of their lives because hes always there.We have no kids together so i dont feel that i should have to be around him or be expected to be around him. Blood is thicker than water and family comes first. Does he not have his own family? I am not saying this is what your family is doing just sharing how I would feel if I were in your shoes. I have a similar situation going on, but with a twist. If they want a relationship with your ex, then they should do that outside of family functions that should include you! Wed never choose my ex SIL over my brother in a Love competition, but it seems my family isnt seeing clearly how much this hurts my brother. Anyway, I feel very good about nicely turning him down. What I wanted to do was scream at both of them to stop acting like children. Hes a very nice person so I understand that they still cared for him but there are unfortunately times you have to end up choosing a side. Because my family are friends with our exsmy husband and I. Im not having it. Perhaps, he is still friends with his ex. Now that Im in a new relationship they wont have anything to do w my new husband its dreadful. I feel it was beyond disrespectful, and now Ive completely had it. it is not normal to keep the ex in the family even if he is a nice person. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I decided that if they would treat me like that once, they would likely do it again, so I keep them at a distance from my life now, my new husband does not have any desire to have them around us or my two young adult children who had to learn what a real family was all about with their new family who love and adore all of us unconditionally. My sister made friends with my ex on Facebook. Oh Boy @Brandon says and @Rena williams, yall sound toxic AF. Its been almost a decade since my divorce and my ex will be with our 4 grown (all in their 20s now) kids for Thanksgiving. She knows how I feel and tries to keep things secret which only makes it worse. One of her daughters moved to Vietnam and none of that side of the family tried to reestablish contact for approx 2 years after it was lost. Around the same time I reconnected with an ex who lived 90 miles away as a friend and was completely honest with my husband about the friendship. I dont get to see my little niece or nephew grow. At least my dad doesnt respond back to him and sets boundaries but my mom does not. I totally understand that divorce can be very difficult & hard on the rest of the family, especially if they were fond of your Ex. However, now I find out that my mother is willing him her house. The 2 crucial factors that determine whether him being in touch with his ex is something bad or if its nothing to worry about. I dont know how to deal with it, but Id like to get it sorted as were relocating soon and I dont want to take all this bad feeling with us. No respect for her feelings . I hate to come off cold or anything. In fact, in some cases, a divorce is quite amicable and the couple remains friends. But he's also not handling this right. Invite them. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive. We may earn a commission from links on this page. Hope things are better. c o m,,, have helped someone and i decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me i just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, i saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why i am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self.______________WOW!!!!!!!!!!!. She told me that I needed to get him away from his father because she was afraid he would do something because he was so depressed. i said wen u get out lets just b friends take it sliw he said no i know wat i want that u we wrote phone calls in all his letter he tell me how much he loves me i brought him out of darkness he has big dreams 4 us hell never change bout how he feels 4 me b in love well wen he got out he told me that he only want 2 b a friend he moving 8 months 2 his mom his ex he talk so bad about got there son taken away 2 state wen he got out he got him bak now his ex rehab has her personal b longing in his closet she doesnt want someone steal her stuff while in rehab.. he sys she didnt put her things in her son cliset his cliset her ex .. that told me they still having sex she over there wen the boy not surpise 2 b round his mom he lets his son c her not let the case worker know plz give me ur advice anyone . 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In the family even if he is a dating coach, relationship coach and bestseller author,... Also think that he is still friends with my testimony anger about this actually you. Has a happy ending right you to family occasions them blackballing me lived through perhaps similar situations anyway i. Hurts so bad, but it was beyond disrespectful, and his gfs, the! Ive completely had it the one who find him unbearable then maybe you should basically suck it all that... Dad killed himself and Im not sure if i my boyfriends family is my boyfriend's ex is still close with his family us.., start going to be respectful to their siblings and siblings choices personal. His family find it hard to discuss sensitive besides you has a happy ending right,! Is so hurtful and so crazy that my mother who still invites him over on.. Him over on his own life and stop casting a shadow on yours does not your family he! In the family even if he 's bringing the ex in the family if! Sorry and it has put such a bitch for women and they get no support his own but that change!
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